dream day

it's been a year since that dream.
and i realized that

i'd rather hate you.
but remember.

than don't care about you at all.
and forget.

don't believe+exists

eternal damnation.

respect boundaries

kapal nyo tangina

start over

palagi dumadating sa point na tinatamad na naman mag-aral
na yung determinasyon nung simula ng sem
lahat ng mga "the secret" self-talk ko nakakalimutan na lang
at bumabalik sa dating katamaran
at pagiging late
at pagwa-ym! i don't know why! i hate ym! (invisible jeri favis is partly to blame haha)

pero bumabalik ulit sa point na
after ng mga stressful cramming days and nights
mediocre homeworks
at failing long tests

ayoko na ulit.
at magkakaron na naman ng panibagong apoy

nasayang ko ang OR LT 1 at pati na rin siguro ang FIN lt 1 dahil lang hindi ako nag-aral ng advance

kaya mag-aaral na ulit ako
starting now.
july 21

you and i

we can do this forever.
-joker

ENDURE.

You can be the outcast.
You can make the choice that no one else will face.
The right choice.

i thought it would be easy

but i was wrong.

i didn't know why.
i didn't know what to do.

but i did know one thing.

it hurt like fucking hell.

maging kayo na lang.
para tapos na.

hey oh

the more i see
the less i know

the more i'd like to let it go.

never again

kanina rin may mga bagay na nangyari
basta na lang kung ano yung mga bagay na yun

basta yung mga nangyaring mga yun
nangyari na sila dati
hindi naman saktong-sakto
pero parang ganon na rin
parehong "pangyayari"
pero iba lang yung mga taong involved

pero anyway
ang punto ko lang naman ay

kanina naulit yung pangyayari

PERO

hindi naulit yung reaksyon ko
hindi ko na pinatulan yung pangyayari

hindi naging madali yung hindi pagpatol sa pangyayari
parang ang dali-dali na lang sanang mag-give in sa emotions
na magalit na lang at mainis at magtampo at mang-snob na naman ng mga tao
at hindi lang basta ng mga tao
kundi ng mga kaibigan

PERO
sabi ko nga

hindi ko pinatulan

as in nagself talk pako
sabi ko
"tangina pat.ano uulitin mo na naman ba yung dati?"
"ganito na lang ba palagi? hindi ka pa ba natututo?"

at pagkatapos ng pagmumuni-muni ko
sinagot ko yung mga katanungang iyan na gumambala sa puso't isipan ko

sinagot ko sila hindi sa pamamagitan ng pagsagot din gamit ng mga salitang walang katuturan
ng mga salitang sinasabi lang pero eventually nag-e-end up na hindi naman ginagawa
kundi
sinagot ko sila sa pamamagitan ng aksyon

hindi ko pinatulan
hindi ako nag-give in

NATUTO NAKO

narealize ko hindi talaga mawawala yung emotions
yung inis, o confusion, o yung watdafuck feeling
pero normal lang naman talaga siguro yun e
malamang kung hindi ka nakakaramdam ng ganon edi manhid ka na talaga
hindi ka na tao

normal lang mainis
ang importante
kung ano yung gagawin mo pagkatapos mo mainis
ang daming puwedeng gawin
ang daming puwedeng maging reaksyon
but at the end of it all
you can always do the right thing

at yun nga ang ginawa ko
ginawa ko ang tama
at masaya nagtapos yung araw ko dahil dun

why do we fall bruce? so that we could learn to pick ourselves up again. -tatay ni bruce wayne sa batman begins

we make mistakes for a reason. so that we could learn from them.

and i promised to myself
that i won't the same mistakes again

at masaya lang ako ngayon
IM SO PROUD OF MYSELF!

at good thing na to haha
kasi minsan lang ako maging proud sa sarili ko

at minsan ko lang din mahihiritan yung shadow ko ng
TANGINA MO haha

basta
no fear day + in your face feeling = happy, fulfilled, satisfied, grateful

no fear day

july 9 2008
today was no fear day
with my friend jeri favis.
bring it on matteo!

strength in numbers...
strength in friends...haha

i still remember everything

sana lang ikaw din.

dreamy idealist

Dreamy Idealist (DI)

(Just visiting? Take the free personality test and determine your iPersonic type!)

Dreamy Idealists are very cautious and therefore often appear shy and reserved to others. They share their rich emotional life and their passionate convictions with very few people. But one would be very much mistaken to judge them to be cool and reserved. They have a pronounced inner system of values and clear, honourable principles for which they are willing to sacrifice a great deal. Joan of Arc or Sir Galahad would have been good examples of this personality type. Dreamy Idealists are always at great pains to improve the world. They can be very considerate towards others and do a lot to support them and stand up for them. They are interested in their fellow beings, attentive and generous towards them. Once their enthusiasm for an issue or person is aroused, they can become tireless fighters.

For Dreamy Idealists, practical things are not really so important. They only busy themselves with mundane everyday demands when absolutely necessary. They tend to live according to the motto “the genius controls the chaos” - which is normally the case so that they often have a very successful academic career. They are less interested in details; they prefer to look at something as a whole. This means that they still have a good overview even when things start to become hectic. However, as a result, it can occasionally happen that Dreamy Idealists overlook something important. As they are very peace-loving, they tend not to openly show their dissatisfaction or annoyance but to bottle it up. Assertiveness is not one of their strong points; they hate conflicts and competition. Dreamy Idealists prefer to motivate others with their amicable and enthusiastic nature. Whoever has them as superior will never have to complain about not being given enough praise.

As at work, Dreamy Idealists are helpful and loyal friends and partners, persons of integrity. Obligations are absolutely sacred to them. The feelings of others are important to them and they love making other people happy. They are satisfied with just a small circle of friends; their need for social contact is not very marked as they also need a lot of time to themselves. Superfluous small talk is not their thing. If one wishes to be friends with them or have a relationship with them, one would have to share their world of thought and be willing to participate in profound discussions. If you manage that you will be rewarded with an exceptionally intensive, rich partnership. Due to their high demands on themselves and others, this personality type tends however to sometimes overload the relationship with romantic and idealistic ideas to such an extent that the partner feels overtaxed or inferior. Dreamy Idealists do not fall in love head over heels but when they do fall in love they want this to be a great, eternal love.

Adjectives which describe your type

introverted, theoretical, emotional, spontaneous, idealistic, dreamy, effusive, pleasant, reserved, friendly, passionate, loyal, perfectionist, helpful, creative, composed, curious, obstinate, with integrity, willing to make sacrifices, romantic, cautious, shy, peace-loving, vulnerable, sensitive, communicative, imaginative

These subjects could interest you

literature, philosophy, psychology, music, art (museums), writing, drawing/painting, astrology, spiritual things, meditation, handicrafts, writing, voluntary work

july 4 part 4

took all of my wasted honor
every little past frustration
took all of my so-called problems
and put them in quotations

i said what i needed to say

walking like a one man army
fighting with the shadows in my head
living out the same old moment
knowing I'd be better off instead
if i only could

say what I need to say

i had no fear for giving in
i had no fear for giving over
i knew that in the end

it was better to say too much
than never to say what i needed to say

Even if my hands were shaking
and my faith was broken
even as my eyes were closing
i did it with a heart wide open

i finally said what i needed to say.
we finally said what we needed to say.

at pagkatapos ng lahat ng nangyari
pagkatapos ng lahat ng mga pagkakamali
sinisiguro kong hindi na to kailanman mauulit
hindi lang sa kanya
kundi sa kahit kanino

hindi kailangang masira ang pagkakaibigan dahil lang sa mga mabababaw na dahilan
lahat ng bagay puwedeng maayos
basta kailangan lang pag-usapan

at pagkatapos ng lahat ng nangyari
sinisigurado kong di na to mauulit
dahil natuto nako

di nako ulit magsasayang ng oras at ng buhay.
di nako magsasayang ulit ng pagkakaibigan.
kahit kailan.

july 4 part 3

when was the last moment

nanod akong hancock kasama high school best friend ko
kaming dalawa lang.date.
last time namin ginawa to ay isang high school weekday at pinanod namin resident evil 2 ata
kahit na yung plano ay dapat barkada movie
at isa-isang nagbackout ang mga tao dahil hindi sila puwede
payag pa rin siya na ituloy namin
kasi pinilit ko rin talaga na ituloy kasi sabi ko starting next week busy na.lt na every week.

namiss ko rin talaga si ronan
namiss ko yung may kaibigan ka na alam mong game sa lahat
yung alam mong kahit kayong dalawa na lang maiwan wala siyang pakialam
kahit kayong dalawa na lang maiwan, alam mong hindi ka niya iiwan

at kahit may tama ako habang kasama ko siya
kahit medyo marami akong sablay moments
tulad na lang nung sinabi ko sa kanya pagdating namin sa gateway na kailngan ko magwithdraw dahil ubos na pera ko at wala nakong panghancock
tas sinabi niya sakin na "gago nagwithdraw ka na kanina sa som mall niyo"

sobrang saya ko na may kaibigan akong tulad ni ronan
congrats na lang sa kanya dahil officially sila na ng girlfriend niya haha

at hanggang may mga movies na panget o mukang panget na pwedeng pagtawanan
manonood at manonood kami ng sine
magyayaya at magyayaya ako kahit anong mangyari

again another event na may kinalaman sa friendship
ultimate friendship day ata tong araw nato

july 4 part 2

hello my friend
we meet again
it's been awhile
where should we begin

feels like forever.

within my heart are memories.
oh i remember.

we've seen our shares of ups and downs
how quickly life can turn around
in an instant

it feels so good to reunite
within myself and within my mind

i'll have peace now.

i just want to say hello again

my sacrifice.

july 4 part 1

again.
things happen for a reason.

hindi ako kumakain or umiinom ng kahit ano sa umaga bago pumuntang school.
ginagawa ko lang ay gising tas ligo tas punta ng school

pero nung july 4 ng umaga
for some reason
uhaw na uhaw ako nung umaga
kaya uminom ako ng isang baso ng tubig bago umalis

at kung hindi sana ako uminom ng tubig...

hindi ako maiihi after philo
hindi ako magsi-cr sa cr malapit sa chapel (isang cr na never ko pinupuntahan)

at hindi ko sana makakasabay sa cr na yun
ang isang kaibigang matagal ko na ring hindi nakakausap at nakakasama
dahil iba na ang mga schedule
at hindi ko na rin kasi siya nahahatid sa bahay tulad ng dati

pareho kaming walang kasama
kaya sabay na lang kaming kumain sa caf
at di nagtagal nauwi sa isang spontaneous gateway adventure ang destiny moment na pagkikita namin

salamat mon
nakatulong din talaga yung pagpunta natin sa gateway
kahit nagarcade lang naman tayo
at nagtekken with the real bob at nagrebecca

nakatulong yung bonding moment e for some reason
mas lalong lumakas yung loob ko na ituloy yung balak kong gawin sa hapong yun

dahil dun sa bonding moment
narealize ko na worth it talaga ibalik ang pagkakaibigan
na kahit hindi na kayo kasing-close ng isang kaibigan mo tulad ng dati
hindi pa rin nagbabago yung katotohanan na magkaibigan pa rin kayo
at kailangan lang talaga may umeffort
kailangan lang talaga wag palampasin ang mga pagkakataon

magpapractice nakong baek pag lumabas na tekken 6
pero alam ko sa november pa yun yata kaya medyo matagal pa haha

pero salamat ulit talaga
sana masurpass mo na ulit si charles chua soon haha
next time ikaw na yung magte-"tekken rule" kay the real big bob kasi na 2-0 mo siya haha

july 4 2008

one of the longest days ever.
one of the best days ever.
one of those days that i'll remember forever.

crush

kaklase ko sa family elective
maganda siya
lalo na pag ngumingiti
siya na yung pinakamaganda, pinakamabait, at pinakaattentive sa lahat ng mga babae dun

at crush ko siya
hahaha

naaaliw lang ako
kasi matagal ko na atang di naeexperience tong crush feeling
specifically yung crush feeling dahil nacucute-an ako
hindi yung "crush" feeling na naging crush mo dahil napaisip ka dahil masaya siya kasama (hassle)

oo crush ko ata talaga siya
at hindi imbe-imbento lang
kasi pag tumatawa siya or napapangiti
napapangiti rin ako sabay look away para di naman halata na kaya ako natuwa dahil sa kanya
at sinasabi ko na lang sa sarili ko na
"shet.ang ganda mo talaga."

kaya kahit 3 oras ng guidance at art class combined yung elective ko
at least ngayon parang kahit papano
magiging something to look forward to na siya
hahaha

pero siyempre
"but it's time to face the truth. i will never be with you."

cool siyang babae at mayaman at maarte.

different worlds.

tulad ng dati.

kanina

narealize ko na talagang bigla akong dumadaldal pag kasama at kausap kita
masaya kang kasama kasi lagi kang tumatawa sa mga hirit ko
kahit corny
kahit malabo
kahit pilit

pero kanina narealize ko rin
na talagang mas ok na kaibigan lang talaga

kasi nung summer na napaisip ako sayo
nagkaron ako ng expectations
bigla na lang akong naging maingat
bigla ko na lang iniisip lahat ng sasabihin ko sayo
at nung naging maingat ako
biglang hindi naging masaya
biglang corny na

kanina
narealize ko ulit bakit masaya kang kasama

kasi isa kang kaibigan na laging tumatawa.

things happen for a reason.

matteo steps.
talo.
talong-talo.

jeri favis wasn't there.
hassle.
haha